January 05th, 2021

​I've come up with a list of kinds of pets from best to worst, based on firsthand experience:
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1. Cats - but only if you're not allergic, they don't need to leave your house, you can leave them overnight, and they every once in a while acknowledge your existence and seem glad you're there
2. Dogs - actually better pals than cats, but they're behind cats because the require so much more care and are much more expensive to maintain
3. Beta fish - cheap, low maintenance and quiet!
4. Birds - they're messy as hell, but they don't stink
5. Triops - ours died in three days, which is fairly amazing considering they've been around for 300 millions years, so I guess triops should just be glad we are getting into "The Berrettini Period" now, but I actually think the short life expectancy was a feature, not a bug
6. Turtles - we babysat one for a week, and it was kind of mesmerizing
7. Frogs - unless one eats the other one overnight, which is what happened and then I really hated the one that ate his friend and I never trusted him after that
8. Chickens - we had them as kids, and, like turtles, they're fairly mesmerizing, not super easy, but not that hard, and bonus! free eggs!
9. Harvester Ants - trust me on this one
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10. guinea pigs - they smell so bad, their cage needs to be changed constantly, they poop a million times a day, and pee even more, they have creepy crawly nails that need to be trimmed, they hate being picked up or held, they basically hate people, because they know we eat them, but of course the thought hasn't crossed my mind....